Victim of Love (9 OFFICES)

Biblically speaking, we all know that God was the first victim of love for He was crucified for the sake of human salvation.
That is how God expresses His infinite Love for us. He was hurt, He suffered because He love.
In today's generation, only few could truly understand why God became the first victim. It's because most of the creatures who were born in the technological society were already blinded with the mysterious existence of our Almighty. Even in understanding love, we all have a different shape of it. As a soul searcher, I personally have a different view in life and in history. But, when I began to experience God's love, I already have the idea of why he was crucified. Yes, I already know the reason why. However, I'm not yet sure how's that feeling until I realized it through my own experience.
When I was on my teenage years, I was attracted to the religious life. The desire was intense during that time. I was 18 when I finally decided to enter in the convent and say yes to His calling. It was truly different when you began to establish a special connection to our creator. I am confident to say that I'm in love with Him. Those times were really special for me. I've really enjoyed my stay there.
In every stages of my vocation, we were sent home for 15 days to take our vacation and spend time with our family. It was also a moment for us to reflect more on the love of God.
Before I took up my vacation, I already made an application stating my willingness to continue to the next stage of my vocation. Yes, the third stage which is novitiate life. It's the most challenging part of being in the religious life. This will allow a candidate to shape and sharpen the faith through intimate prayer.
Unexpectedly, when I am about to end my stay at the outside world, I changed my mind in just a blink of my eyes. I blowed out the decision, not to come back and continue my stay outside. I wanted to have more exposure and discern more.
I'd been lost for almost 5 years and have been too innocent from the activities of the new face of generation. It was too hard for me to adjust in the first place. One day, I never knew that I was already trapped from the worldly desire. My human desire occurs, it was then when I mumbled a question on my mind, "how was it to be in love with my co-beings?".
Humanly speaking, I fall in love and get hurt. As the years gone by, I still have the same pantings. I longed for someone to love me and when someone came, they will not stay longer. Life is truly a series of games, people don't stay. They usually come and go. I get hurt and cried. I felt rejected and was put to thrash at one instance. It was then that I realized, God's feeling was more painful when I began to reject him and decided to embrace the world than embracing His will for me.
The experience of being broken shaped my whole being and teach me a lot of lessons in life. Yes, I became a victim of love when my lovers broke up with me and divert his attention to another woman. This situation help me to understand more the feeling of how to be a victim of love.